Feeling a deep melancholy today.
Yesterday i learnt about the existence of PMDD, and all the times where i've gone copmpletely insane before my period makes sense now.
I hope it's also just because of that today.
I really want to draw, but the total time I have today is around 20 minutes, and I spent it updating this entry.
I've been learning after effects. Though I have limited amount of time each day to do the things I want to do, but giving myself projects to work on helps me stay a bit more grounded. Have been floating too much lately.
I want to have time to create more!!!!!
I got invited to do a mix for a radio show next month, about video game music, so I've been listening to a lot of video game OST lately.
My favorite ones so far:
When I'd have time to update my entries it's usually during the day time / afternoon before going to work, but I don't have many profound thoughts during this time of day.
I always describe / recount my dreams in the past tense, because they're not just stories to me - they are part of my truths. They are experiences as real as what we call "reality."
『I really believe that if there's any kind of god, he wouldn't be in any one of us—not you, not me— but just this space in between. If there's some magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone else, sharing something, even if it's almost impossible to succeed. But who cares— the answer must be in the attempt.』
So, originally, I was going to put a beautiful quote in this entry.
But then I accidentally knocked over a very full glass of water which created a swimming pool on my desk and of course, getting onto my laptop and keyboard.
So yes, this entry will be about this instead. I guess the quote will have to wait until the next time.
I hate the fact that I have so many secrets.
I am in a manic mode right now, which gave me a motivation to update my site.
I wish I had the time to create more... I miss indulging in making something for hours straight.
This feeling seems very unreachable for me at the moment.
Can't believe it's June already...
These past couple weeks have been pretty busy and chaotic - we've decided to move out of our current place, so we probably won't feel fully rested again until we're settled with everything.
At least I've been feeling a bit more grounded
Even though I always cry about not making money from my art, I realised I still enjoy doing it the most when I am not making any profit out of it. I love making things for others I care about, even if I get almost nothing in return. It feels more honest that way somehow. It is a form of love from me, I guess. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much to have to think about money all the time. I wish I didn’t have to care about it so much.
I want to believe I am doing slightly better.
Today I baked earl grey & black sesame cookies and they are delicious :3
Sometimes I feel like I am made of countless bubbles.
They pop from time to time, and eventually I am left with less and less pieces of myself.
But then new bubbles will appear. Currently my goal is to work hard on making them appear.
At least at work I get to drink wine and laugh with people. I smoke too much ciggarettes though.
Today was my only day off of the week but i spent it napping 5 times.
Haven't been having the best days this whole week. Sometimes i think i am cursed.
